Short Answer – ChristianLifeGroups

Now is the time to give the long, unedited, non-apologetic, “as it happened to me” answer. Like my own testimony about how this site came to be. This is long. Go get popcorn. 🙂

I was looking for a “Life Group”.

I wanted to get deeper into studying the bible.

I had a lot of questions..

I reached a point in my spiritual walk with Christ, that I felt I had more questions than answers and no one could answer my questions.

I tried the “bible study groups” once or twice in different churches, but I noticed and observed that it only became like a “talk shop”.

Kind of “gossipy”.

Also I didn’t like that the men would always ask for my phone number or ask me out on a date.

I mean, if I wanted a date, then that can most probably be arranged, but my point in going to a bible study group is to study the bible. Not get hit on.

So I moved on.

I thought there might be a bible app I can download or something.

I found one.

And then I got curious, who made this Bible App?

Then there was the link to LifeChurch dot tv (their old site name, now it is Life dot church)

So I checked it out.

And then I became a regular visitor to their site, then I also would participate in the chat, here and there share bible verses with people, that I have learned through my own spiritual walk, before I even checked out their Bible App.

I was a frequent visitor to the BibleGateway dot com website too. Their website is a great resource for different versions of the bible. I just didn’t like the advertisements on their site, but it’s the bible verses that I go there for.

(There’s a story to advertisements later on in this story, so hold on to that thought)

Then a lady named Monica “spotted” me and invited me to become a Prayer Host. She was the Team Leader.

Then I agreed to be one.

I got welcomed by Monica, and also Jordan. I served with them Saturdays 10pm CST.

I served for more than one year, consistently. Whether I was in the U.S., or traveling on to my own mission trips to Asia, I was there every single Saturday during my scheduled times to serve. Also, when other Hosts would be needed on Saturdays, I joined and served 5:30, 8:30 and 10pm all of Saturday. I served with Marcia and Philip too, when they were shorthanded during their scheduled times.

Then there were also new members from other countries that joined the Team.

As a “Prayer Host”, while the “Online Recorded Service/Sermon” was ongoing, and when someone would click the “Request Live Prayer” button, any Prayer Host can answer and you can have the direct one on one prayer.

Prayer Hosts have two chat screens/boxes going on – on the left is internal chat with other Hosts, and another chat box for public chat on the right.

When you respond to a One on One prayer request, then the Prayer Host will have three screens and chatboxes open.

A Prayer Host will do just that. As a Prayer Host, I have prayed for all sorts of situations, from someone wanting to commit suicide, or about to have an abortion, or someone who already an abortion and feeling guilty, or cheating on their spouse, or being cheated on, or someone dying, etc., it ran the full gamut of all sorts of human experiences and distress.

The Lord knows how He used me and the thoughts that got translated into words on the screen as I was typing those prayers for people. For the life of me, I was amazed at what I was feeling led to type, as memories of bible verses I have read in the past would come back to my memory, and then type out on screen. It’s true God will guide us what to say, or type.

I also noticed though, that team members were leaving one at a time, and of course people would normally wonder why.

Like I did.

I still served for more than a year.

The online pastor, George, he flew into Texas one time, and they called me for a meetup. So we all did meet up.

I guess they are wanting to see how many Prayer Hosts from Texas can also form a group here.

I attended one or two sessions from the local group. The man then decided to create a mailing list, and loaded my email into his mailing list too.

Then the online church decided to create another “streaming session” on a Saturday at 5am.

And I was assigned to it. So I agreed.

So I was serving Saturdays 5am, 10pm, and the in betweens at 5:30 and 8 pm, as needed.

Then there was this guy from Mexico. Who decided to also LOAD up my email address to his MLM business.

That’s when this website first got spammed heavily because that other “Prayer Host” from Mexico decided he could spam me. I have no idea how many other prayer hosts he victimized.

The thing is, before one can become a Prayer Host for that online church, if you are U.S. based, you have to disclose your SSN, they do a background check on you, they ask for your personal testimony for Jesus, social media accounts, etc. In one of my social media accounts, I have a couple of thousands of followers. I did a social media fasting when I started getting stalked too. So I just fasted and continued on with the social media fasting. 🙂 I still have those couple of thousand followers so I have been a favorite target of MLMers.

So that “prayer host” doing that to me was a real betrayal of my trust. We were on the same group, but he was also fairly new. Surely he had no idea what he was doing (harvesting my email address and then pitching the MLM), but the consequences to me and the sites I was an administrator of who was sharing the same servers, got affected, and was BIG. I only created that email address specific to that church and only a few knew that email address.

Fellow Team Members in your Host Team also know your mobile phone number and emails and we usually would get the group text and the group emails.

Also, back then, they would encourage Prayer Hosts to also share their email address if someone needs a follow up. (I think I’ve only done this for two to three people, but I wasn’t comfortable having to be available at will for others, during the week when I was working on other projects, my entire Saturday was already used for the Online ministry and on Sundays I did in person volunteering for the Special Kids and Special Adults ministry at my local church).

It still dawned on me at that time, it was only us volunteers on those services, at least in the 1 year plus that I was serving. Had no pastor on the online church. Just a recorded video snippet, like a 15 second advertisement, along the lines of “TITHE! TITHE challenge! If God doesn’t bless you in three months, we’ll give you your tithes back!” THAT actually came out some time. I was like really laughing so hard. Then, I started really researching tithes.

Then one 5am service happened.

I was by myself, the other Team Members (from other countries) didn’t show up.

So I was praying “Okay, Lord, it’s just You and me!”

And then what we call the “goo gle friends” arrived.

Life Church does goo gle advertising for perverts.

They get redirected straight to the Online Church.

At first, there was their mantra “we will do everything short of sin to bring people to Christ.”

I thought at first, that might be okay.

It’s like the end may justify the means.

Until that one 5am morning, that I was by myself, and it was as if the online church got swarmed by perversion with perverts posting crap on their online church, and I as a Prayer Host was just bombarded with it and I couldn’t do anything about it.

I was calling the Team Leader’s mobile phone for a back up (and also because I don’t have any moderation or muting powers as a Prayer Host, only a Team Lead would have that).

That was traumatic for me. Anyway, so after that, Monica said I should be a Team Lead so I can have muting powers. She said that I really had what it would take for that role.

So I said, yes, okay sure.

And then there was that form that I had to answer in writing.

It was just so damned discriminatory that I had to call a lawyer friend of mine to consult with him.

I called my Team Lead, Monica, to ask her WHO designed that questionnaire, who will read it, and if that questionnaire went through the Church’s Legal Department.

I figured, and I told her, I don’t mind answering the questions, if I know who designed it and who would be reading my honest to goodness truthful answers.

(Later on I remembered the word “grooming in cults”, the deeper you get, the more will be expected of you. Not saying they are a cult, but that specific questionnaire was like “what can we get away with asking?” type of questions, like in cults).

She responded with, “You know what? You’re right, those questions could be taken another way”, and not because I didn’t want to answer it but the fact that those types of questions were even asked. My lawyer who read the thing just advised me to “Get out of that! Whatever that is! I’m not even a born again Christian and I got uncomfortable and angry reading it! Get out of that! You are not their employee!”

Then, remember the Prayer Host from Mexico? The barrage of emails from his MLM spammed my mailbox servers too, that time.

I prayed real hard, and then there came that moment.

I reported the issue and I requested for a return call or a response from the staff pastors.

Because even Monica, our Team Lead, is not a staff, we were all volunteers.

Doing that in the “Name of Jesus”.

Three business days, nothing. I was really praying for that sign, that in three business days, someone from their staff would call me, because they have, and I said it, to “drop the rocks” when it comes to “association with certain groups of people.”

The question about “association with a homosexual” – I had to ask, “What if you had a relative who was? I will not drop acknowledging their existence in my life, just so I can have “muting powers” when perverts post something on their website. I pray for these people. Drop the rocks. I don’t condemn, I share scripture with them and pray for them, that in God’s own timing, God’s words would sink in.”

My lawyer had to explain to me, “You owe them NO explanation. Their questionnaire is discrimination in and of itself. Get out of that. It’s like grooming in cults. Read up on it.”

I did not want to leave, but it wasn’t anymore what I wanted.

God does not want me to do that, because He led me to THAT point. Uncomfortable and painful as it was, He allowed it to happen to ME. He had other plans from then on, moving forward, for ME. And under His direction, ALONE.

I felt hurt to the point of that decision. But when God shows me all the signs, I have to obey.

Not my will. Not any organization’s will. But His Will, will be done.

And I was donating to that church my Saturdays for more than a year.

So I decided that I needed to pick the priority for that time.

Which was to troubleshoot the spamming that was going on in this website, which also affected the other business websites in these same servers.

The hirelings let me down considering I served for free, while they were getting paid to supposedly do their jobs.

Then I came across websites like the abolitionists – churchrepent dot com, and thepathoftruth dot com.

It was like OH MY GOD!

So I got out.

What really made me angry, was when I noticed that they had a “script” from hotjar dot com that was on their website.

What that did was it automatically records, whenever they want, the screen on the back end (where the Live Prayers are happening) and the front end.

It made me angry because I don’t think ANYBODY would want their “prayer requests” recorded, without them knowing.

Then it became a “techie to techie” issue.

I had that “one on one” with a “software engineer” and I just told him “WHY are you recording the Live Prayer at the back end?” And he said “it wasn’t supposed to be there, maybe their developer made a mistake.” and thanked me.

So at that time, I was already glad I went out, but it was important for me to let the other Prayer Hosts know (who are all volunteers) that THAT was going on.

Then I just quit going there, because it was seeming like I was “rocking the boat of the airy fairy” environment.

I believed and believe in praying for people and having fellowship online.

But there are evil people in technology, that are infiltrating not just websites, but churches.

It took them months to take that script out. I would go back once in a while, and I just checked if “hotjar” was still there.

So if it still was, I would just x out and delete all cookies from my browser. That was several years ago.

So lately, I’ve checked again, and it’s no longer there.

I mean, paying for that service costs about $200-$500 monthly, so I wonder if the “tithers” knew that was where their donations were ALSO going to, on top of the google ads for perverts.

I’ve noticed that they still get those types of trolls who just disturbs the online services.

My concern then, and now, is IF there are New Prayer Hosts, who might be new in their faith, would have some type of “crisis of faith” because of stuff like I went through.

I didn’t have a crisis of faith that time. I had a crisis of church-ianity.

I even quit going to the local church here, that uses their platform.

And I just taught people what to look for.

Right click your mouse, look at the source code, press Control F, then type “hotjar”, if the script is there, then your visit MIGHT be recorded.

I was “that” angry that time.

If you see a face book pixel in there, then that means you WILL be followed around your internet browsing habits and you will see their ads, while you’re on FB or on other websites that have the “Goo gle ad sense”.

Some people think “God was showing them a sign to buy this or that”, and then I tell them, “No, that’s NOT God, actually, you are just being hyper targeted by companies who pay Data Scientists to write code snippets to follow you around, using “tracking pixels stored in cookies”, then they call it “Artificial Intelligence” to make it sound like it was an all powerful thing. Yes it is, for those who don’t know about it. But if more Information Scientists talk about it or write about it, shed light on it, then yes, lesser people will get victimized by it.

Now even some charitable organizations do that type of advertising.

Running ads on face book and goo gle costs a lot of money (I know, I’ve ran them too for my former clients before, when I studied online marketing, it really got obnoxious, the more I learned about it, the sorrier I felt for more people as they expose themselves on those social media sites, not knowing their data is being used that way. Some just don’t care. I saw a software once that was “harvesting people’s private messages, searching for specific “keywords” so that they can be hyper-targeted” and grouped into a specific “target audience” so that FB advertisers can lower their “advertising spend”. When I saw that, as a Christian, I was so horrified, that there are developers who did that and actually would sell that type of software and then show people what their software “can do”. So the “free sical media sites, make the “people” their product without letting the people know what they are actually doing.). Some of my loved ones whom I’ve warned, too, were just “indifferent”.

Until they themselves notice it and get attacked themselves, then they call me to help them troubleshoot.

Deception comes in many different ways. When someone tells the truth, they are dismissed. Because people often, don’t want the truth. Until the deception directly affects and victimizes, them.

That’s when I realized a lot of churches now are being ran like businesses, too.

The other volunteer Prayer Hosts that I served with, also left and are no longer there. Although there are others that I still remember, and they still serve there. I guess I got burnt out too, and felt that the staff on the church could have been more responsive to their volunteers, especially those who have served for more than a year.

It was free labor for them, while they generate the money through tithes or donations.

Having had completed this website myself, I know it takes work. (A lot).

But it doesn’t take a whole lot of money to do this, it takes skills yes.

But I am not going to “capitalize” on the effort I gave it, because God’s blessings are not for sale.

So anyway, remember the biblegateway dot com website that I mentioned earlier?

Because of what I know about cookies and tracking and such, when I would share a bible verse, I don’t want to feel guilty at the same time, because when you share links of sites with ads, it’s like you are also exposing others to the cookies and tracking on those sites.

So , I figured, “Okay Lord, I have detoured and got off track because the initial project was to study the bible remember? Sorry I was a dumb sheep.” 🙂

So, I rebuilt.

Trial and error.

I shut down this site and canceled all emails to stop the spam from getting into our servers (those came automatically before), so my strategy was to cancel all emails attached to this website.

Let them all bounce back to the spammers and their servers. As automated as they want to spam our servers, I’ve automated the bounce backs to their servers too. 🙂

I went back to basics.

I figured “Lord, I don’t want to be bouncing from one false church to the next. Where can I go?” Then I read from the bible, what Jesus said before He got taken up to heaven.

“Go spread the Gospels.”

And it was like, “Okay, which ones? Specifically?”

So I started this Forum. I figured, I’ll study the Gospels and then post them here, and then maybe write articles too.

Matthew

Mark

Luke

John

After I finished those, “I figured, well, this is fun!”

And I got MORE clarity.

Then the next book, then the next book.

Before I knew it, I finished the New Testament.

Then I thought…. “Hmm, how about the Old Testament?”

And now, tonight, after about two years, on and off, and 2, 327 website pages later…

… it is finished.

Now my goal is to take ME out of this website. (One part of me says that, and yet another thought comes, what about those who might also need some type of Online Fellowship – who also wants to study the bible, like I did, and do?)… I will pray about that some more. \o/

So I have archived the Forum NT and OT (I only did that for the webpages creation, easier for me to edit that way) and also archiving old tech notes and code snippets.

I have other Forums and will be migrating those the Tech Stuff there too.

I thought I would make this “explainer” post on how this started and what I went through to finish this.

It’s not a ding on life dot church, as I am just telling my truth here, as I experienced it. There were no apologies offered. No apologies expected really, because like in any organizations, volunteers come and go. I was just one of those volunteers. A temporary resource.

“Host” attached to a person’s name, is just a field name in a database. A status type of a thing.

On a WordPress website, all it is is a usergroup with “Moderator” type or permission levels access, that has the power to delete something, a post a page or a comment.

That’s it.

I don’t have to have that TAG or label, in order to pray for people. Or to help people.

I just do.

When I also learned about chat platforms and tickets and other snoopathons, I ended up just having this chat system here too, customized to erase every hour on the hour.

It’s useful for prayers, too. Data is not stored anywhere and only available and viewable for registered members.

I had two deaths in my family recently.

I am so deep in grief and anguish and I felt I had no constant support group. My local church is closed. It’s still the nCovid19 CCP virus China virus, whatever they call it, global pandemic hysteria going on.

I visited Life dot Church again, I started asking if the people I used to serve with still serve there, so I know for sure they also left. But then there were others who were either “regulars” and other older or long-time “Hosts” who still serve there who still remembered me somewhat. I wonder though if they knew or cared about why I actually left. So I had a Prayer Host that I knew from before, pray for me and with me too.

There were other newer Prayer Hosts who were asking if I wanted to “Serve” as a Host and I just said “no thanks, I’m happy as a guest.”

I told another Host that I “used to serve and I am just happy to be of service to others too, as a Guest and also to help out the Hosts because I know that in each service, there might or could be two or three ongoing live prayers happening and it is non-stop typing and praying at the same time, to be able to minister to the hurting person accordingly.

So I have the highest respect for those “Prayer Hosts”, those true Christ Followers, (not all of them are, and anyone with the gift of discernment can clearly see it with the words they type), because I know that type of service and sacrifice to do that for others, in Honor of The Lord JESUS. It’s actually the Hosts that power the chat in that Online Church, when they welcome people and pray for people and then they also “push those slides” that says, “download the app” or “Give or donate” or “accept Jesus Christ”.

With a click.

I mean Jesus Christ knows. But the church and their developers also want to know so they can do the metrics. (How many lives were saved that day, etc).

I wonder how the apostles who witnessed Jesus saving people kept track of the numbers. 🙂

Anyway, it was good to have visited. There are bits and pieces I still learn. It’s also good to see “familiar names”. And the Prayer Hosts would always say “everyone was welcome there.”

I usually would go there with the intention to ask for one on one Live Prayer, but I end up just participating in the chat.

And then there would be that one liner comment, that I would respond to, and then there I go again feeling led to type what I type.

And before I know it, the service is finished.

For someone like me who feel like I am done with the “spiritual milk”, that it’s time for some “meat”.

I believe in my heart that there are a lot of people who join the chat there who are also genuine Christ Followers, but you can almost “spot them” and there are few and far between. Most guests are unbelievers, or maybe new in the faith and are still growing and seeking God or any message about God.

You can easily notice it from the words they type.

“From the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks”.

And so there will be times when I would just type something because I can actually “feel the pain” of the guest who is typing out his/her struggles.

And then I would remember a scripture that “resonates” with that experience that would prove helpful, so I go here at THIS website to do a quick search on the specific verse, using simple keywords like “anxiety” and then the scripture on what Jesus said about anxiety would come up, and I will copy and paste.

The NEED for God’s words for people who are struggling is what would TRULY help others.

The Words of God, it’s what Paul was talking about in the instruction to PUT ON the Full Armour of God.

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might.

11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil.

12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.

13 Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm.

14 Stand firm therefore, having girded your loins with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness,

15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace;

16 in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.

17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” – The Armor of God – (Ephesians 6:10-24)

I know enough about grieving, scientifically, that I wanted to be kind to myself too, by making sure that I take care of me during this difficult time.

So I reached out to close friends, just to let them know what was going on. I needed to hear people praying with me or for me. I still had a lot of anger because of the wrongs that are still being done to me. I know it’s spiritual warfare too.

So, God would really and literally send people our way when He knows we can no longer handle it.

A few days after I learned my oldest brother’s sudden death, and the manner in which I found out about it, crushed me. The cruelty I got from relatives could put anybody on the verge of suicide.

I kid you not.

It was that horrible.

So I prayed.

And prayed.

I decided that afternoon to get out and work on my Mission Van.

Step out of my tech work and do some manual labor.

I donated whatever plywood and materials I had on my Mission Van when I first worked on it in December 2019, when I first bought it, to the Tornado victims last May 2020. I pulled out what I already built INside my Mission Van.

Dumb me, I forgot the effort it took me to measure everything last December, get the plywood cut, etc.

So I did the “simple build” of my van all over again.

Shortly after my oldest brother died.

And I just kept at it. I mean everyone was on quarantine, I just got all my supplies all over again at either Home Depot or Lowes” and kept at it.

Praying while working, most times crying, listening to whatever music i had on my phone.

I would pray “Jesus, You were a carpenter when you were a human, how do I put the walls up on this van? How do I … ?”

And before I knew it, everything got finished, too.

While I was working, there was a young couple who walked by and would sometimes chit chat with me. The Woman walked by that afternoon, to ask me “How are you doing? Are you okay? I am amazed at what you are doing here by yourself!”

And so I said, “I’m not by myself, Jesus helps me out here.” 🙂

And she would share some stories too, and then shared, and smiled, because SHE was a Christ Follower too.

She was inquisitive and really asked “How are you doing?”

And in that moment I knew, God sent her my way.

I told her I learned my oldest brother died a couple of days ago. I saw some of the pictures taken by his military friends, because nobody could fly out there to take his remains home to his family.

This woman called her husband, and they both prayed for me!

Out loud, the three of us prayed.

So I felt better after that.

Then maybe about two weeks after my oldest brother’s death, I got another message. My son’s paternal grandmother, a woman, who asked me to call her “Mom Dolly” (and I’ve called her that for 20+ years), a Christian Mom figure for me, she also passed away.

THAT really broke me. And God knew it.

While I was still helping with the tornado victims in Texas in the aftermath, my Pastor friend also would call me or text me from time to time, and in some heavier days, I would just call his mobile phone and chat a bit, and then he would just say, let’s pray together, and as he would pray, I would be in tears.

There are days when I am okay and there are days when I am not.

I would have dreams about my dead brother, or my dead Papa, or Mom Dolly, and in those dreams it was all very pleasant, like they would be talking to me or would just be “smiling at me”.

That was good in a way. I think that I have occupied my brain too much during the days with tech work that my grief is sinking into my subconscious mind, and surfaces in my sleep.

So going to the Online Church where I know there are Prayer Hosts is good to know and have too, as a back up plan, when I am feeling so deep in my grief.

It’s a day to day thing. This grieving thing.

And I know it will take time.

I also got invited to another church, that has online service. I’ve been trying to reach out also to my local church, but they have a robot answering their chat (I know about those boxed answers, I also know how to design those, I could “spot it”).

I also knew enough about listening to “praise and worship” – and worshiping with other people simultaneously.

So I have been going to another online church called Seacoast. I am grateful to be invited to it by Allie, Sarah and Jonesie.

It’s a solemn church were the Pastor so far, the ones I’ve attended, spend a little bit more time on bible verses rather than their own personal story.

I attended their 21 days of fasting and worship at 6am and I did 14 mornings. It was a real great way to start the day. (Mondays to Thursdays). On Fridays, I checked out their old sermons.

And by contrast, when I went to Life Church on a Friday early morning service, I got kicked by a negatron comment early in the morning during the service that I need to remember never to go there in the mornings so as not to mess up my day. It’s just those things that happen there. One doesn’t know when the goo gle ads would be ran.

There are also users there who use profane names, as if to mock the Christians who are trying to go there and maybe attend worship or seek prayer.

Sometimes people would post blasphemous things and I cannot help but type something to defend the church, or Jesus or God, or the Host, or other guests or our faith (that’s the thing with them advertising to pervs, they attack whoever is there and it corrupts the eyes). So, just note to self, don’t go there early in the morning.

Sometimes I go there I have to pray first and be on “warrior mode” ready to face and not get hit by any arrows.

But at Seacoast, I feel I can go there to learn and praise and worship. The first time I went, I was so very relieved and impressed, there were actual Pastors during the service and on the chat!

When I clicked the Live Prayer, a Pastor prayed with me. The first time I went there!

Then there was also the 21 Days of Fasting, where the congregation would all pray (for me it was 6am) and worship in the morning.

I think that it was then I actually started reconciling myself again with my grief when I just started typing and putting words into MY grief. I remembered having been taught that in the Grief Support Group I joined at my local church, we put words into the grief, when Papa died. I realized I felt like a part of me died and then that my world seemed to have been in slow motion, while the rest of the world seem to be still on fast paced mode.

I felt like I was walking, yes, but it was like I had two big boulders attached to both my legs, that it was difficult to walk or move forward. My grief is so deep that I would find myself having difficulty breathing, and the anguish beyond words that I can’t even cry.

Often I wished I could just cry once and get it over and done with.

But the tears would come unexpectedly like waves that come and go.

One thing with accepting Jesus in our hearts, Jesus love for us is so BIG we can’t contain it and it overflows that we cannot help but share Him with others.

But in that capacity to love BIG, the deeper the intensity of the depth of pain we get to feel, too. Often, pain beyond words.

The shock of losing loved ones with some unresolved issues within a span of one month, then the grief becomes complex.

I am glad I know the scientific and psycho-social implications and physical manifestations of it.

In my cruel world, I allow kindness to myself by understanding what I am going through, and recognizing that I am weak in certain areas, and I am strong in other areas. I have to remind myself that when I cry, it does not mean I am a weak Christ Follower. It just means that I am still human, capable of all human sufferings.

I need to validate me and my feelings, especially when I know, feel and experience so much “cancellation of me” the person, who still occupy space in this physical world.

It’s an understatement to write that a whole lot of people are offended that I am still breathing.

Especially when the experts have given me their “expert opinions” that I’d have about 10 more years to live.

Some expert told me when I was in my 20s that I would be lucky if I hit my 30s.

It angered them that my God proved them wrong.

It angered them when I said no more surgeries. I’m just going to wait it out.

God is in control of My Life, and only He knows when it is going to end.

God allowed me to go through my own version of hell, so that I can be a witness to how He can save people from their own destruction and their enemies who seek their destruction.

False churches produce false converts.

God’s words are true, and incorruptible.

It just needs to be shared, in its purity.

Because a gospel corrupted has no power to save anybody.

God’s Words does not have to be advertised.

The disciples of Jesus Christ, did not do any goo gle ads, or FB target audience advertising.

I was looking for an online church that doesn’t pervert God’s words.

I don’t think any church should do any goog le ads for pervs.

A church should protect their congregation and not put them directly at risk, and directly in the “line of fire”, because some of them might not be fully equipped yet – they might still be “spiritual babies” – and that’s why we all hear of those who have not been “shepherded” well, and they get so turned off by church and Christians, because it is these types of people who profess to be Christians who are doing the most hurtful and hateful and abominable things to other new Christians.

If they need to do that, they should have the staff man the chat themselves. Instead of having others do what they dare not do.

Not a place to really risk, if you want to watch Online Church with your kids.

Anger and grief is not a good mix.

I know too that grieving people are vulnerable.

So match grief with evil attacks.

Either one’s faith get tested to the max, or you succumb.

And God reminded me …

… I need to wash my brain. I need to be brainwashed.

And what better way to wash my brain than to spend this time in HIS Word. While grieving.

I took breaks, I’d go to Life dot Church, or Seacoast dot org, and listen to worship music, and sometimes participate in chat on my phone to step away from my laptop.

I’ve timestamped my progress at ShallHelp dot com.

Just for me to see my own progress. I finished the Old Testament. Reading, coding, proofreading, comparing with other versions, publishing.

It all got done.

There are a lot of hurting people trying to look for answers online.

I don’t have to interpret the bible.

I just have to read it.

I also want that I can freely share it with others.

I don’t want the bible “i-framed”.

The bible has to be the CENTER.

God’s Word – and GOD above all and at the CENTER.

No Ads.

No Tracking.

Just you and God’s words.

It’s not anybody else’s business what you read from the bible and what terms you have searched.

No APP needs to have access to your phone’s contact list, your camera, your location, and your phone, free access to all your social media accounts and your friends, or followers in those social media accounts.

It’s THE BIBLE.

Between the Reader AND God.

A lot of tech people are wanting to play like god, wanting to know “everything”.

In Electronic Medical Records, there is now an additional drop down choice that developers had to incorporate in a database

– NOYB is now considered a “religion” (stands for None Of Your Business).

Bible Apps should not have to know what people are reading on/in the bible.

Donation Apps should also not be in those church apps.

One data breach can cause all of your donors to get exposed.

(I got put on a “suckers list” once by a charitable institution, and so I got bombarded too for a time, with direct mail from other organizations that monetized God’s blessings).

So, I have had a lot of sad experience about false churches and how evil tech people take advantage of other churches or their congregation.

So for me, I guess now, after I have completed this personal project, I now have my own online bible I can access from anywhere I am at, in the world.

No tracking, I can freely share.

If all else fails on synchronous messaging, I can use the CHAT here, which works like ANY messenger type of app, like Face book messenger, or viber or whats app or signal.

I have also written an encryption software in the past, I might just also add that to this site too.

God grants wisdom when people pray for it. He doesn’t want His children to be foolish or stupid. I just need to pray for wisdom daily. \o/ because I can get stupid a lot of times.

The search boxes both on the drop down menu and the footer menu, that you see here, searches the website pages.

No it will not and never will be monetized.

Why? Because I didn’t put any type of algorithms on it that would store the keywords. It’s a total waste of bandwidth.

But the search boxes can retrieve what you are looking for here, if it’s on the website.

The Forum, has it’s own Search box too.

I have been archiving old tech posts (majority of those old posts are tech stuff related, not the highlight).

So this website will still be a work in progress.

As my life is.

I hope you can study the Bible here too!

PRESENTING …

This is the long answer.

The ChristianLifeGroups is me plus, God the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit, and His Prophets and His Disciples, whose writings and life lessons I want to study and share with others.

I am just the weird one who carved out this time to actually start it, and FINALLY finish it.

To GOD is THE GLORY!

Thank you Jesus!

(Help me find all the typos so I can correct them :-))

I also want to thank everybody, all those who hurt me, because you all drove me to getting closer to GOD. 🙂 \o/

And I forgive everybody everything. \o/

And I ask for your forgiveness if I have hurt or offended you, it’s never my intention. \o/

And in life, CHOOSE NOT TO BE OFFENDED. 🙂

Smile, because GOD LOVES YOU! 🙂

One thought on “Short Answer”

CrisW says:

09/14/2020 at 1:02 AM

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Now is the time to give the long, unedited, non-apologetic, “as it happened to me” answer. Like my own testimony about how this site came to be. This is long. Go get popcorn. 🙂

I was looking for a “Life Group”.

I wanted to get deeper into studying the bible.

I had a lot of questions..

I reached a point in my spiritual walk with Christ, that I felt I had more questions than answers and no one could answer my questions.

I tried the “bible study groups” once or twice in different churches, but I noticed and observed that it only became like a “talk shop”.

Kind of “gossipy”.

Also I didn’t like that the men would always ask for my phone number or ask me out on a date.

I mean, if I wanted a date, then that can most probably be arranged, but my point in going to a bible study group is to study the bible. Not get hit on.

So I moved on.

I thought there might be a bible app I can download or something.

I found one.

And then I got curious, who made this Bible App?

Then there was the link to LifeChurch dot tv (their old site name, now it is Life dot church)

So I checked it out.

And then I became a regular visitor to their site, then I also would participate in the chat, here and there share bible verses with people, that I have learned through my own spiritual walk, before I even checked out their Bible App.

I was a frequent visitor to the BibleGateway dot com website too. Their website is a great resource for different versions of the bible. I just didn’t like the advertisements on their site, but it’s the bible verses that I go there for.

(There’s a story to advertisements later on in this story, so hold on to that thought)

Then a lady named Monica “spotted” me and invited me to become a Prayer Host. She was the Team Leader.

Then I agreed to be one.

I got welcomed by Monica, and also Jordan. I served with them Saturdays 10pm CST.

I served for more than one year, consistently. Whether I was in the U.S., or traveling on to my own mission trips to Asia, I was there every single Saturday during my scheduled times to serve. Also, when other Hosts would be needed on Saturdays, I joined and served 5:30, 8:30 and 10pm all of Saturday. I served with Marcia and Philip too, when they were shorthanded during their scheduled times.

Then there were also new members from other countries that joined the Team.

As a “Prayer Host”, while the “Online Recorded Service/Sermon” was ongoing, and when someone would click the “Request Live Prayer” button, any Prayer Host can answer and you can have the direct one on one prayer.

Prayer Hosts have two chat screens/boxes going on – on the left is internal chat with other Hosts, and another chat box for public chat on the right.

When you respond to a One on One prayer request, then the Prayer Host will have three screens and chatboxes open.

A Prayer Host will do just that. As a Prayer Host, I have prayed for all sorts of situations, from someone wanting to commit suicide, or about to have an abortion, or someone who already an abortion and feeling guilty, or cheating on their spouse, or being cheated on, or someone dying, etc., it ran the full gamut of all sorts of human experiences and distress.

The Lord knows how He used me and the thoughts that got translated into words on the screen as I was typing those prayers for people. For the life of me, I was amazed at what I was feeling led to type, as memories of bible verses I have read in the past would come back to my memory, and then type out on screen. It’s true God will guide us what to say, or type.

I also noticed though, that team members were leaving one at a time, and of course people would normally wonder why.

Like I did.

I still served for more than a year.

The online pastor, George, he flew into Texas one time, and they called me for a meetup. So we all did meet up.

I guess they are wanting to see how many Prayer Hosts from Texas can also form a group here.

I attended one or two sessions from the local group. The man then decided to create a mailing list, and loaded my email into his mailing list too.

Then the online church decided to create another “streaming session” on a Saturday at 5am.

And I was assigned to it. So I agreed.

So I was serving Saturdays 5am, 10pm, and the in betweens at 5:30 and 8 pm, as needed.

Then there was this guy from Mexico. Who decided to also LOAD up my email address to his MLM business.

That’s when this website first got spammed heavily because that other “Prayer Host” from Mexico decided he could spam me. I have no idea how many other prayer hosts he victimized.

The thing is, before one can become a Prayer Host for that online church, if you are U.S. based, you have to disclose your SSN, they do a background check on you, they ask for your personal testimony for Jesus, social media accounts, etc. In one of my social media accounts, I have a couple of thousands of followers. I did a social media fasting when I started getting stalked too. So I just fasted and continued on with the social media fasting. 🙂 I still have those couple of thousand followers so I have been a favorite target of MLMers.

So that “prayer host” doing that to me was a real betrayal of my trust. We were on the same group, but he was also fairly new. Surely he had no idea what he was doing (harvesting my email address and then pitching the MLM), but the consequences to me and the sites I was an administrator of who was sharing the same servers, got affected, and was BIG. I only created that email address specific to that church and only a few knew that email address.

Fellow Team Members in your Host Team also know your mobile phone number and emails and we usually would get the group text and the group emails.

Also, back then, they would encourage Prayer Hosts to also share their email address if someone needs a follow up. (I think I’ve only done this for two to three people, but I wasn’t comfortable having to be available at will for others, during the week when I was working on other projects, my entire Saturday was already used for the Online ministry and on Sundays I did in person volunteering for the Special Kids and Special Adults ministry at my local church).

It still dawned on me at that time, it was only us volunteers on those services, at least in the 1 year plus that I was serving. Had no pastor on the online church. Just a recorded video snippet, like a 15 second advertisement, along the lines of “TITHE! TITHE challenge! If God doesn’t bless you in three months, we’ll give you your tithes back!” THAT actually came out some time. I was like really laughing so hard. Then, I started really researching tithes.

Then one 5am service happened.

I was by myself, the other Team Members (from other countries) didn’t show up.

So I was praying “Okay, Lord, it’s just You and me!”

And then what we call the “goo gle friends” arrived.

Life Church does goo gle advertising for perverts.

They get redirected straight to the Online Church.

At first, there was their mantra “we will do everything short of sin to bring people to Christ.”

I thought at first, that might be okay.

It’s like the end may justify the means.

Until that one 5am morning, that I was by myself, and it was as if the online church got swarmed by perversion with perverts posting crap on their online church, and I as a Prayer Host was just bombarded with it and I couldn’t do anything about it.

I was calling the Team Leader’s mobile phone for a back up (and also because I don’t have any moderation or muting powers as a Prayer Host, only a Team Lead would have that).

That was traumatic for me. Anyway, so after that, Monica said I should be a Team Lead so I can have muting powers. She said that I really had what it would take for that role.

So I said, yes, okay sure.

And then there was that form that I had to answer in writing.

It was just so damned discriminatory that I had to call a lawyer friend of mine to consult with him.

I called my Team Lead, Monica, to ask her WHO designed that questionnaire, who will read it, and if that questionnaire went through the Church’s Legal Department.

I figured, and I told her, I don’t mind answering the questions, if I know who designed it and who would be reading my honest to goodness truthful answers.

(Later on I remembered the word “grooming in cults”, the deeper you get, the more will be expected of you. Not saying they are a cult, but that specific questionnaire was like “what can we get away with asking?” type of questions, like in cults).

She responded with, “You know what? You’re right, those questions could be taken another way”, and not because I didn’t want to answer it but the fact that those types of questions were even asked. My lawyer who read the thing just advised me to “Get out of that! Whatever that is! I’m not even a born again Christian and I got uncomfortable and angry reading it! Get out of that! You are not their employee!”

Then, remember the Prayer Host from Mexico? The barrage of emails from his MLM spammed my mailbox servers too, that time.

I prayed real hard, and then there came that moment.

I reported the issue and I requested for a return call or a response from the staff pastors.

Because even Monica, our Team Lead, is not a staff, we were all volunteers.

Doing that in the “Name of Jesus”.

Three business days, nothing. I was really praying for that sign, that in three business days, someone from their staff would call me, because they have, and I said it, to “drop the rocks” when it comes to “association with certain groups of people.”

The question about “association with a homosexual” – I had to ask, “What if you had a relative who was? I will not drop acknowledging their existence in my life, just so I can have “muting powers” when perverts post something on their website. I pray for these people. Drop the rocks. I don’t condemn, I share scripture with them and pray for them, that in God’s own timing, God’s words would sink in.”

My lawyer had to explain to me, “You owe them NO explanation. Their questionnaire is discrimination in and of itself. Get out of that. It’s like grooming in cults. Read up on it.”

I did not want to leave, but it wasn’t anymore what I wanted.

God does not want me to do that, because He led me to THAT point. Uncomfortable and painful as it was, He allowed it to happen to ME. He had other plans from then on, moving forward, for ME. And under His direction, ALONE.

I felt hurt to the point of that decision. But when God shows me all the signs, I have to obey.

Not my will. Not any organization’s will. But His Will, will be done.

And I was donating to that church my Saturdays for more than a year.

So I decided that I needed to pick the priority for that time.

Which was to troubleshoot the spamming that was going on in this website, which also affected the other business websites in these same servers.

The hirelings let me down considering I served for free, while they were getting paid to supposedly do their jobs.

Then I came across websites like the abolitionists – churchrepent dot com, and thepathoftruth dot com.

It was like OH MY GOD!

So I got out.

What really made me angry, was when I noticed that they had a “script” from hotjar dot com that was on their website.

What that did was it automatically records, whenever they want, the screen on the back end (where the Live Prayers are happening) and the front end.

It made me angry because I don’t think ANYBODY would want their “prayer requests” recorded, without them knowing.

Then it became a “techie to techie” issue.

I had that “one on one” with a “software engineer” and I just told him “WHY are you recording the Live Prayer at the back end?” And he said “it wasn’t supposed to be there, maybe their developer made a mistake.” and thanked me.

So at that time, I was already glad I went out, but it was important for me to let the other Prayer Hosts know (who are all volunteers) that THAT was going on.

Then I just quit going there, because it was seeming like I was “rocking the boat of the airy fairy” environment.

I believed and believe in praying for people and having fellowship online.

But there are evil people in technology, that are infiltrating not just websites, but churches.

It took them months to take that script out. I would go back once in a while, and I just checked if “hotjar” was still there.

So if it still was, I would just x out and delete all cookies from my browser. That was several years ago.

So lately, I’ve checked again, and it’s no longer there.

I mean, paying for that service costs about $200-$500 monthly, so I wonder if the “tithers” knew that was where their donations were ALSO going to, on top of the google ads for perverts.

I’ve noticed that they still get those types of trolls who just disturbs the online services.

My concern then, and now, is IF there are New Prayer Hosts, who might be new in their faith, would have some type of “crisis of faith” because of stuff like I went through.

I didn’t have a crisis of faith that time. I had a crisis of church-ianity.

I even quit going to the local church here, that uses their platform.

And I just taught people what to look for.

Right click your mouse, look at the source code, press Control F, then type “hotjar”, if the script is there, then your visit MIGHT be recorded.

I was “that” angry that time.

If you see a face book pixel in there, then that means you WILL be followed around your internet browsing habits and you will see their ads, while you’re on FB or on other websites that have the “Goo gle ad sense”.

Some people think “God was showing them a sign to buy this or that”, and then I tell them, “No, that’s NOT God, actually, you are just being hyper targeted by companies who pay Data Scientists to write code snippets to follow you around, using “tracking pixels stored in cookies”, then they call it “Artificial Intelligence” to make it sound like it was an all powerful thing. Yes it is, for those who don’t know about it. But if more Information Scientists talk about it or write about it, shed light on it, then yes, lesser people will get victimized by it.

Now even some charitable organizations do that type of advertising.

Running ads on face book and goo gle costs a lot of money (I know, I’ve ran them too for my former clients before, when I studied online marketing, it really got obnoxious, the more I learned about it, the sorrier I felt for more people as they expose themselves on those social media sites, not knowing their data is being used that way. Some just don’t care. I saw a software once that was “harvesting people’s private messages, searching for specific “keywords” so that they can be hyper-targeted” and grouped into a specific “target audience” so that FB advertisers can lower their “advertising spend”. When I saw that, as a Christian, I was so horrified, that there are developers who did that and actually would sell that type of software and then show people what their software “can do”. So the “free sical media sites, make the “people” their product without letting the people know what they are actually doing.). Some of my loved ones whom I’ve warned, too, were just “indifferent”.

Until they themselves notice it and get attacked themselves, then they call me to help them troubleshoot.

Deception comes in many different ways. When someone tells the truth, they are dismissed. Because people often, don’t want the truth. Until the deception directly affects and victimizes, them.

That’s when I realized a lot of churches now are being ran like businesses, too.

The other volunteer Prayer Hosts that I served with, also left and are no longer there. Although there are others that I still remember, and they still serve there. I guess I got burnt out too, and felt that the staff on the church could have been more responsive to their volunteers, especially those who have served for more than a year.

It was free labor for them, while they generate the money through tithes or donations.

Having had completed this website myself, I know it takes work. (A lot).

But it doesn’t take a whole lot of money to do this, it takes skills yes.

But I am not going to “capitalize” on the effort I gave it, because God’s blessings are not for sale.

So anyway, remember the biblegateway dot com website that I mentioned earlier?

Because of what I know about cookies and tracking and such, when I would share a bible verse, I don’t want to feel guilty at the same time, because when you share links of sites with ads, it’s like you are also exposing others to the cookies and tracking on those sites.

So , I figured, “Okay Lord, I have detoured and got off track because the initial project was to study the bible remember? Sorry I was a dumb sheep.” 🙂

So, I rebuilt.

Trial and error.

I shut down this site and canceled all emails to stop the spam from getting into our servers (those came automatically before), so my strategy was to cancel all emails attached to this website.

Let them all bounce back to the spammers and their servers. As automated as they want to spam our servers, I’ve automated the bounce backs to their servers too. 🙂

I went back to basics.

I figured “Lord, I don’t want to be bouncing from one false church to the next. Where can I go?” Then I read from the bible, what Jesus said before He got taken up to heaven.

“Go spread the Gospels.”

And it was like, “Okay, which ones? Specifically?”

So I started this Forum. I figured, I’ll study the Gospels and then post them here, and then maybe write articles too.

Matthew

Mark

Luke

John

After I finished those, “I figured, well, this is fun!”

And I got MORE clarity.

Then the next book, then the next book.

Before I knew it, I finished the New Testament.

Then I thought…. “Hmm, how about the Old Testament?”

And now, tonight, after about two years, on and off, and 2, 327 website pages later…

… it is finished.

Now my goal is to take ME out of this website. (One part of me says that, and yet another thought comes, what about those who might also need some type of Online Fellowship – who also wants to study the bible, like I did, and do?)… I will pray about that some more. \o/

So I have archived the Forum NT and OT (I only did that for the webpages creation, easier for me to edit that way) and also archiving old tech notes and code snippets.

I have other Forums and will be migrating those the Tech Stuff there too.

I thought I would make this “explainer” post on how this started and what I went through to finish this.

It’s not a ding on life dot church, as I am just telling my truth here, as I experienced it. There were no apologies offered. No apologies expected really, because like in any organizations, volunteers come and go. I was just one of those volunteers. A temporary resource.

“Host” attached to a person’s name, is just a field name in a database. A status type of a thing.

On a WordPress website, all it is is a usergroup with “Moderator” type or permission levels access, that has the power to delete something, a post a page or a comment.

That’s it.

I don’t have to have that TAG or label, in order to pray for people. Or to help people.

I just do.

When I also learned about chat platforms and tickets and other snoopathons, I ended up just having this chat system here too, customized to erase every hour on the hour.

It’s useful for prayers, too. Data is not stored anywhere and only available and viewable for registered members.

I had two deaths in my family recently.

I am so deep in grief and anguish and I felt I had no constant support group. My local church is closed. It’s still the nCovid19 CCP virus China virus, whatever they call it, global pandemic hysteria going on.

I visited Life dot Church again, I started asking if the people I used to serve with still serve there, so I know for sure they also left. But then there were others who were either “regulars” and other older or long-time “Hosts” who still serve there who still remembered me somewhat. I wonder though if they knew or cared about why I actually left. So I had a Prayer Host that I knew from before, pray for me and with me too.

There were other newer Prayer Hosts who were asking if I wanted to “Serve” as a Host and I just said “no thanks, I’m happy as a guest.”

I told another Host that I “used to serve and I am just happy to be of service to others too, as a Guest and also to help out the Hosts because I know that in each service, there might or could be two or three ongoing live prayers happening and it is non-stop typing and praying at the same time, to be able to minister to the hurting person accordingly.

So I have the highest respect for those “Prayer Hosts”, those true Christ Followers, (not all of them are, and anyone with the gift of discernment can clearly see it with the words they type), because I know that type of service and sacrifice to do that for others, in Honor of The Lord JESUS. It’s actually the Hosts that power the chat in that Online Church, when they welcome people and pray for people and then they also “push those slides” that says, “download the app” or “Give or donate” or “accept Jesus Christ”.

With a click.

I mean Jesus Christ knows. But the church and their developers also want to know so they can do the metrics. (How many lives were saved that day, etc).

I wonder how the apostles who witnessed Jesus saving people kept track of the numbers. 🙂

Anyway, it was good to have visited. There are bits and pieces I still learn. It’s also good to see “familiar names”. And the Prayer Hosts would always say “everyone was welcome there.”

I usually would go there with the intention to ask for one on one Live Prayer, but I end up just participating in the chat.

And then there would be that one liner comment, that I would respond to, and then there I go again feeling led to type what I type.

And before I know it, the service is finished.

For someone like me who feel like I am done with the “spiritual milk”, that it’s time for some “meat”.

I believe in my heart that there are a lot of people who join the chat there who are also genuine Christ Followers, but you can almost “spot them” and there are few and far between. Most guests are unbelievers, or maybe new in the faith and are still growing and seeking God or any message about God.

You can easily notice it from the words they type.

“From the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks”.

And so there will be times when I would just type something because I can actually “feel the pain” of the guest who is typing out his/her struggles.

And then I would remember a scripture that “resonates” with that experience that would prove helpful, so I go here at THIS website to do a quick search on the specific verse, using simple keywords like “anxiety” and then the scripture on what Jesus said about anxiety would come up, and I will copy and paste.

The NEED for God’s words for people who are struggling is what would TRULY help others.

The Words of God, it’s what Paul was talking about in the instruction to PUT ON the Full Armour of God.

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might.

11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil.

12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.

13 Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm.

14 Stand firm therefore, having girded your loins with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness,

15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace;

16 in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.

17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” – The Armor of God – (Ephesians 6:10-24)

I know enough about grieving, scientifically, that I wanted to be kind to myself too, by making sure that I take care of me during this difficult time.

So I reached out to close friends, just to let them know what was going on. I needed to hear people praying with me or for me. I still had a lot of anger because of the wrongs that are still being done to me. I know it’s spiritual warfare too.

So, God would really and literally send people our way when He knows we can no longer handle it.

A few days after I learned my oldest brother’s sudden death, and the manner in which I found out about it, crushed me. The cruelty I got from relatives could put anybody on the verge of suicide.

I kid you not.

It was that horrible.

So I prayed.

And prayed.

And prayed.

I decided that afternoon to get out and work on my Mission Van.

Step out of my tech work and do some manual labor.

I donated whatever plywood and materials I had on my Mission Van when I first worked on it in December 2019, when I first bought it, to the Tornado victims last May 2020. I pulled out what I already built INside my Mission Van.

Dumb me, I forgot the effort it took me to measure everything last December, get the plywood cut, etc.

So I did the “simple build” of my van all over again.

Shortly after my oldest brother died.

And I just kept at it. I mean everyone was on quarantine, I just got all my supplies all over again at either Home Depot or Lowes” and kept at it.

Praying while working, most times crying, listening to whatever music i had on my phone.

I would pray “Jesus, You were a carpenter when you were a human, how do I put the walls up on this van? How do I … ?”

And before I knew it, everything got finished, too.

While I was working, there was a young couple who walked by and would sometimes chit chat with me. The Woman walked by that afternoon, to ask me “How are you doing? Are you okay? I am amazed at what you are doing here by yourself!”

And so I said, “I’m not by myself, Jesus helps me out here.” 🙂

And she would share some stories too, and then shared, and smiled, because SHE was a Christ Follower too.

She was inquisitive and really asked “How are you doing?”

And in that moment I knew, God sent her my way.

I told her I learned my oldest brother died a couple of days ago. I saw some of the pictures taken by his military friends, because nobody could fly out there to take his remains home to his family.

This woman called her husband, and they both prayed for me!

Out loud, the three of us prayed.

So I felt better after that.

Then maybe about two weeks after my oldest brother’s death, I got another message. My son’s paternal grandmother, a woman, who asked me to call her “Mom Dolly” (and I’ve called her that for 20+ years), a Christian Mom figure for me, she also passed away.

THAT really broke me. And God knew it.

While I was still helping with the tornado victims in Texas in the aftermath, my Pastor friend also would call me or text me from time to time, and in some heavier days, I would just call his mobile phone and chat a bit, and then he would just say, let’s pray together, and as he would pray, I would be in tears.

There are days when I am okay and there are days when I am not.

I would have dreams about my dead brother, or my dead Papa, or Mom Dolly, and in those dreams it was all very pleasant, like they would be talking to me or would just be “smiling at me”.

That was good in a way. I think that I have occupied my brain too much during the days with tech work that my grief is sinking into my subconscious mind, and surfaces in my sleep.

So going to the Online Church where I know there are Prayer Hosts is good to know and have too, as a back up plan, when I am feeling so deep in my grief.

It’s a day to day thing. This grieving thing.

And I know it will take time.

I also got invited to another church, that has online service. I’ve been trying to reach out also to my local church, but they have a robot answering their chat (I know about those boxed answers, I also know how to design those, I could “spot it”).

I also knew enough about listening to “praise and worship” – and worshiping with other people simultaneously.

So I have been going to another online church called Seacoast. I am grateful to be invited to it by Allie, Sarah and Jonesie.

It’s a solemn church were the Pastor so far, the ones I’ve attended, spend a little bit more time on bible verses rather than their own personal story.

I attended their 21 days of fasting and worship at 6am and I did 14 mornings. It was a real great way to start the day. (Mondays to Thursdays). On Fridays, I checked out their old sermons.

And by contrast, when I went to Life Church on a Friday early morning service, I got kicked by a negatron comment early in the morning during the service that I need to remember never to go there in the mornings so as not to mess up my day. It’s just those things that happen there. One doesn’t know when the goo gle ads would be ran.

There are also users there who use profane names, as if to mock the Christians who are trying to go there and maybe attend worship or seek prayer.

Sometimes people would post blasphemous things and I cannot help but type something to defend the church, or Jesus or God, or the Host, or other guests or our faith (that’s the thing with them advertising to pervs, they attack whoever is there and it corrupts the eyes). So, just note to self, don’t go there early in the morning.

Sometimes I go there I have to pray first and be on “warrior mode” ready to face and not get hit by any arrows.

But at Seacoast, I feel I can go there to learn and praise and worship. The first time I went, I was so very relieved and impressed, there were actual Pastors during the service and on the chat!

When I clicked the Live Prayer, a Pastor prayed with me. The first time I went there!

Then there was also the 21 Days of Fasting, where the congregation would all pray (for me it was 6am) and worship in the morning.

I think that it was then I actually started reconciling myself again with my grief when I just started typing and putting words into MY grief. I remembered having been taught that in the Grief Support Group I joined at my local church, we put words into the grief, when Papa died. I realized I felt like a part of me died and then that my world seemed to have been in slow motion, while the rest of the world seem to be still on fast paced mode.

I felt like I was walking, yes, but it was like I had two big boulders attached to both my legs, that it was difficult to walk or move forward. My grief is so deep that I would find myself having difficulty breathing, and the anguish beyond words that I can’t even cry.

Often I wished I could just cry once and get it over and done with.

But the tears would come unexpectedly like waves that come and go.

One thing with accepting Jesus in our hearts, Jesus love for us is so BIG we can’t contain it and it overflows that we cannot help but share Him with others.

But in that capacity to love BIG, the deeper the intensity of the depth of pain we get to feel, too. Often, pain beyond words.

The shock of losing loved ones with some unresolved issues within a span of one month, then the grief becomes complex.

I am glad I know the scientific and psycho-social implications and physical manifestations of it.

In my cruel world, I allow kindness to myself by understanding what I am going through, and recognizing that I am weak in certain areas, and I am strong in other areas. I have to remind myself that when I cry, it does not mean I am a weak Christ Follower. It just means that I am still human, capable of all human sufferings.

I need to validate me and my feelings, especially when I know, feel and experience so much “cancellation of me” the person, who still occupy space in this physical world.

It’s an understatement to write that a whole lot of people are offended that I am still breathing.

Especially when the experts have given me their “expert opinions” that I’d have about 10 more years to live.

Some expert told me when I was in my 20s that I would be lucky if I hit my 30s.

It angered them that my God proved them wrong.

It angered them when I said no more surgeries. I’m just going to wait it out.

God is in control of My Life, and only He knows when it is going to end.

God allowed me to go through my own version of hell, so that I can be a witness to how He can save people from their own destruction and their enemies who seek their destruction.

False churches produce false converts.

God’s words are true, and incorruptible.

It just needs to be shared, in its purity.

Because a gospel corrupted has no power to save anybody.

God’s Words does not have to be advertised.

The disciples of Jesus Christ, did not do any goo gle ads, or FB target audience advertising.

I was looking for an online church that doesn’t pervert God’s words.

I don’t think any church should do any goog le ads for pervs.

A church should protect their congregation and not put them directly at risk, and directly in the “line of fire”, because some of them might not be fully equipped yet – they might still be “spiritual babies” – and that’s why we all hear of those who have not been “shepherded” well, and they get so turned off by church and Christians, because it is these types of people who profess to be Christians who are doing the most hurtful and hateful and abominable things to other new Christians.

If they need to do that, they should have the staff man the chat themselves. Instead of having others do what they dare not do.

Not a place to really risk, if you want to watch Online Church with your kids.

Anger and grief is not a good mix.

I know too that grieving people are vulnerable.

So match grief with evil attacks.

Either one’s faith get tested to the max, or you succumb.

And God reminded me …

… I need to wash my brain. I need to be brainwashed.

And what better way to wash my brain than to spend this time in HIS Word. While grieving.

I took breaks, I’d go to Life dot Church, or Seacoast dot org, and listen to worship music, and sometimes participate in chat on my phone to step away from my laptop.

I’ve timestamped my progress at ShallHelp dot com.

Just for me to see my own progress. I finished the Old Testament. Reading, coding, proofreading, comparing with other versions, publishing.

It all got done.

There are a lot of hurting people trying to look for answers online.

I don’t have to interpret the bible.

I just have to read it.

I also want that I can freely share it with others.

I don’t want the bible “i-framed”.

The bible has to be the CENTER.

God’s Word – and GOD above all and at the CENTER.

No Ads.

No Tracking.

Just you and God’s words.

It’s not anybody else’s business what you read from the bible and what terms you have searched.

No APP needs to have access to your phone’s contact list, your camera, your location, and your phone, free access to all your social media accounts and your friends, or followers in those social media accounts.

It’s THE BIBLE.

Between the Reader AND God.

A lot of tech people are wanting to play like god, wanting to know “everything”.

In Electronic Medical Records, there is now an additional drop down choice that developers had to incorporate in a database

– NOYB is now considered a “religion” (stands for None Of Your Business).

Bible Apps should not have to know what people are reading on/in the bible.

Donation Apps should also not be in those church apps.

One data breach can cause all of your donors to get exposed.

(I got put on a “suckers list” once by a charitable institution, and so I got bombarded too for a time, with direct mail from other organizations that monetized God’s blessings).

So, I have had a lot of sad experience about false churches and how evil tech people take advantage of other churches or their congregation.

So for me, I guess now, after I have completed this personal project, I now have my own online bible I can access from anywhere I am at, in the world.

No tracking, I can freely share.

If all else fails on synchronous messaging, I can use the CHAT here, which works like ANY messenger type of app, like Face book messenger, or viber or whats app or signal.

I have also written an encryption software in the past, I might just also add that to this site too.

God grants wisdom when people pray for it. He doesn’t want His children to be foolish or stupid. I just need to pray for wisdom daily. \o/ because I can get stupid a lot of times.

The search boxes both on the drop down menu and the footer menu, that you see here, searches the website pages.

No it will not and never will be monetized.

Why? Because I didn’t put any type of algorithms on it that would store the keywords. It’s a total waste of bandwidth.

But the search boxes can retrieve what you are looking for here, if it’s on the website.

The Forum, has it’s own Search box too.

I have been archiving old tech posts (majority of those old posts are tech stuff related, not the highlight).

So this website will still be a work in progress.

As my life is.

I hope you can study the Bible here too!

PRESENTING …

| NEW TESTAMENT: |
| THE GOSPELS: | Matthew | | Mark | | Luke | | John |

| ACTS of the Apostles: | Acts |
| Romans | | 1 Corinthians | | 2 Corinthians | | Galatians | | Ephesians | | Philippians | | Colossians| | 1 Thessalonians | | 2 Thessalonians | | 1 Timothy | | 2 Timothy | | Titus | | Philemon | | Hebrews |
| James | | 1 Peter | | 2 Peter | | 1 John | | 2 John | | 3 John | | Jude | | Revelation |

| OLD TESTAMENT: |
| Genesis | | Exodus | | Leviticus | | Numbers | | Deuteronomy | | Joshua | | Judges | | Ruth | | 1 Samuel | | 2 Samuel | | 1 Kings | | 2 Kings | | 1 Chronicles | | 2 Chronicles | | Ezra | | Nehemiah | | Esther | | Job | | Psalms | | Proverbs | | Ecclesiastes | | Song of Solomon | | Isaiah | | Jeremiah | | Lamentations | | Ezekiel | | Daniel | | Hosea | | Joel | | Amos | | Obadiah | |Jonah | | Micah | | Nahum | | Habakkuk | | Zephaniah | | Haggai | | Zechariah | | Malachi |

This is the long answer.

The ChristianLifeGroups is me plus, God the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit, and His Prophets and His Disciples, whose writings and life lessons I want to study and share with others.

I am just the weird one who carved out this time to actually start it, and FINALLY finish it.

To GOD is THE GLORY!

Thank you Jesus!

(Help me find all the typos so I can correct them :-))

I also want to thank everybody, all those who hurt me, because you all drove me to getting closer to GOD. 🙂 \o/

And I forgive everybody everything. \o/

And I ask for your forgiveness if I have hurt or offended you, it’s never my intention. \o/

And in life, CHOOSE NOT TO BE OFFENDED. 🙂

Smile, because GOD LOVES YOU! 🙂

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